Recently, I was having a conversation with someone.
They were telling me how they're only 20, how they're still figuring life out, trying to understand what they like/dislike, what kind of person they are, and honestly feeling a little overwhelmed by the fact that there is still so much left to discover.
It's almost like starting a game. You've reached level 20, and then suddenly realize there are 80 more levels left before you reach level 100.
And instinctively, I replied with something I've believed for a while.
"That's the fun of being in your twenties, right?
To discover things.
To understand yourself.
To figure out what you enjoy and what you absolutely cannot tolerate."
But after that conversation, I found myself thinking about something else.
There is one flaw in this entire process of figuring yourself out. And that flaw is reference.
When you're in your twenties and trying to understand yourself, it becomes extremely important to make sure that your likes and dislikes are genuinely yours. Not borrowed from somebody else.
A large part of my childhood was spent watching people on YouTube and looking at lifestyles that fascinated me. And naturally, I wanted to emulate them. I wanted to somehow recreate the life they were living.
But that is impossible.
Every single person comes from a different background, different circumstances, and a completely different set of experiences that eventually place them where they are.
And yet, for years, I kept comparing my life to theirs. I wanted to recreate a life that was never meant for me.
It took me a long time to realize that I wasn't failing because I wasn't becoming them.
I was failing because I was trying to become them in the first place.
Instead of thinking,
"How do I build a life like theirs?"
I should've asked,
"What kind of life do I genuinely want for myself?"
The best way to live your life is to simply do what naturally feels right to you. Without reference. Without bias. Without subtle influence from algorithms constantly telling you what you should want.
Just purely liking something for the sake of it.
And trusting that feeling.
I think that's the irony of it all.
The very people whose lives I admired never became who they are by trying to become somebody else.
They simply followed what felt right to them.
And somehow, that authenticity led them exactly where they needed to be.
Maybe that's what your twenties are really about.
Up until now, life has mostly been automatic.
Puberty. School. Exams.
And especially if you're growing up in India, an endless cycle of competition.
But somewhere around this phase, something changes.
You begin consciously building your character.
You start understanding what you actually want from life.
What direction you want to move toward.
What kind of moral values you hold.
What kind of people you enjoy being around.
And all these subtle choices slowly start becoming a part of who you are.
Which is why authenticity becomes extremely important.
Maybe all of us should question our preferences a little more often.
Do I genuinely like this thing because I like it?
Or do I like it because someone I admire likes it?
Is this actually my choice?
Or is it just borrowed desire disguised as individuality?
I don't know.
But it's a question I've been reminding myself to ask more often.
Perhaps you should ask yourself that too.