Notes to Myself

There isn’t much time.
If I don’t choose what I want to do in life, life will choose it for me.

I must be relentless in my execution of ideas and figure out what it is in which I can actually provide value.

Devote yourself to yourself for yourself.

Idk.

I am having this weird feeling. And I don’t like it.

I have this side of me that constantly seeks attention. Sometimes when I am with a person, I exaggerate my voice or actions so that the third person can focus on me. I kind of like that attention.

And today, after having done this very thing, it's making me feel hollow.

I don’t like this version.

I don’t think banishing it would be the solution.

But I think I should focus on myself and my life more.

I want to be better than this.

Even the Insta thing.

I tend to forget that I am posting this for myself. The purpose is to represent and understand myself better.

But then why do I tend to view all those who are viewing my posts?

I am doing it for myself, right?

Everyone co existing independently today must have been reliant on their parents at one point of time.

Most of them must have cried in the arms of their parents before attending their first class.

But now, look at them flourish and thrive.

They are now busy in their own life. Either making it better or ruining it. But atleast now, they are independent.

Isn’t that beautiful?

I wonder how it feels to be a parent.

I am living for myself.

Don't let there be hate. Just love and respect.

Learn from them. Learn to interact.

Be able to sustain yourself and provide for others.

Explore.

Live for yourself.

Prioritise yourself.

Help others.

The biggest problem with this is that now we have the perspectives of too many people in our minds to the extent that we start doing certain things just because someone we admire does it that particular way.

It could be habits, vocabulary, mannerisms, etc.

But in all of this what we lose is our 'Personal Preference'.

Whenever I get a haircut, I prefer that the barber doesn't use the machine. Why? It's just a personal preference.

I like girls who wax their body hair, have manners to talk and are fluent in English. Why? It's just a personal preference.

And over time I have realised that this liberty of having a personal preference is something that not everybody has.

Why? Because they don't give it a chance to develop. They don't sit idly by themselves and think about what they like and what they don't.

They are purely the by product of their algorithm.

What is the contribution of someone like that to this life & this Earth?

This laptop was gifted to me by my cousin sister.

This iPad by my brother.

These clothes by my parents.

This education to converse by my teachers.

This body from my mother and father.

This life from my parents.

Don’t we already have enough?

And if not then when is enough, enough?

Instead of being a fuckin burden, isn’t it about time we start making some worth of our existence?

I wonder what it would be like when our kids are our age and living in Dehradun.

Me and my generation of friends enjoy whatever remains of the nature of this city.

But that too is depleting rapidly.

When they are our age, would they be able to tell their friends that they had a bath in this cold river stream in the mountains which was so cold that they could not even feel their legs?