Basically, I am fortunate with my life. But I still feel like shit and I've realised that although it's not a bad thing I am to blame.
Since the past few months, it has been difficult to just spend time watching some series or playing some games. It's not that I am experiencing FOMO but ever since I've been to college I have realised that are so many opportunities and doors which are yet to opened by me.
As a result, whenever I am not distracted enough to realise that my time is passing, it's not the most enjoyable time.
There's the Sense of Purpose —> which leads to fulfilment and in case either of them is missing, the day feels wasted.
And lately when I was questioning myself about the reason of this unfulfillment, I realised that I have been giving myself an excuse by comparing myself to my past self.
To give some context
My freshman year of college was great. I met two people I love, had fun, and stayed away from intoxication. But that was college. Now I have a 2-month break to work on myself — and I've been comparing now to then, which made me feel worse.
I have been dreading to go back to college to rediscover my Sense of Purpose eventually leading to me being fulfilled. But that's just wrong.
Because what I am doing is looking at the past and ruining the current moment.
The reason the past year in college was great was :
a) I didn't have a frame of reference
b) I didn't have a choice but to make the best of the moment and live with no regrets.
And that's what I should apply to this current moment but in this scenario, I do have a frame of reference. This is my house, this is one of my rooms. I have made certain memories here and I have developed a certain mindset about myself, here. And today that's exactly what's holding me back.
I think so that's why it's recommended to change the position of your study table or your sitting after an interval of time.
But the point being irrespective of the location, irrespective of my previous mindset that I have developed in that location, each and every moment is unique and crying about not having the perfect circumstance is just stupid.
No one is going to hand over a sense of purpose to you without taking a significant portion of your freedom. And me being me, I hate that.
So, what do I have to do?
Simple.
a) Realise that you have no choice but to make the best of the current circumstance.
b) Recognise your unfair advantage.
c) Create something that solves a problem or gives yourself a sense of purpose.
So that's my final cent on this. I hope that next time anyone feels the same way, this helps.